Saturday, May 31, 2008

Void after she left

Go Going Gone ... Destiny , Future and above all , the one i thought was the most profilic friends , not one of the few but the only girl i knew whose smile is bestest in the world. The last time we met was not like that Jab We Met types , but infact a contrasting proposition. She has decided to move to Delhi and why should she not ,. I have known her for a year and half now as the best person in my life. I really dont have any adjectives coming to my mind for her, just that she is kid grown up just too fast.
This was another last time we met , i called her next day and next day till she finally picked the call, and told her i want to meet her once more. She obliged , and i was indeed the most happy soul on earth , maybe that would not be longed live , but the aroma of her presence evaporates all of any thoughts. The times i have spent with her have been the best of life. Its generally said that a person should not change for the one he likes, but i am sorry. Each of things she liked , i started loving. I started feeling there is a drastic change needed in my life, and this would not have been possible had she not come into my life. I started to look , find the errors in me , and rectify them for that is not the parameter for someone liking me or not ,but i started to understand that personality is one stuff one needs to build. So where does we start , the mirror . A few extra pounds , delete it. Set a target , 2nd of Sixth month , when i would surprise her. I worked hard , harder than one thinks. A strict regular diet topped with hours of gym and no chocs and ice cream for 3 months. Here i think i grew better, but again was mistaken. She refused to say i am fine. What does that do , a determination to lose another dozen kgs. Its not easy but maybe i will do anything for her .
There was a time i used to talk to a many girls , now i dont. All know her , and i want to tell her that for world she is someone , but for me , she is the world. I can go to limits just to be with her.Cauz she is one person who with whom i think i can be happpy. Her simplicity is so awsome , i have gone limits for her. Workouts . improving English and control diet. Nothing seemed to be impossible when she was in mind, one can think how wud she effect me if she comes in my life.
Last night in bangalore and she was with me , drinking coconut water ( mayb if she remembers it as nariiyal paani) , and that was in liue of coffee we were to have. And again , that awsome evening walk to follow. I still think i can walk with her for lifetime , and why only me , any person . Her genuine smile , her milky complexion (touchwood) and her touching words with her presence act as a tonic to live the life in a better way.
The day she was with me , i was looking at the time , stop. Please the clock , dont tick for some time now. I dont know when i will meet her next , just a small request, God , Lets call it a day and let her spend some more time with her, but time stops for nothing. And it went, and next day she also flew to Delhi.
The void expected on her departure was bigger than the distance from her place to BIAL. When i cross 11th Main , no more i look for the pink house , no more i am looking in the Ladoos if i see her or the morning shop where she has her tea/ Was the first time i passed BTM i did not want to pass through that SBI ATM....
i just want to tell her once , i will change for her , change for the best, would be an umbrella in the rain , a shade till the sun fade , and best of friend till the life ends. I dont know if i could ever be as good as you are, but i can promise that i will do the best of my capabilities to be the best for ya , and yes i still remember the song u like the most -- sweet like the sugar coated candyman ,...

All things planned for you on my birthday will miss you for sure. Even though you are the most beautiful angel the God ever made, even though you got the smile a few have , a voice envied by all , even though God gave you all decorations he had in his kitty, even though he had gifted you the best of the best in each and every catogary, and me on the other side, but dont we know opposites attract. Still i just want to tell you that i cherish your company the most ....

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Spoilt Girl

8th April 2008 , 1:37 PM .
She knows whom i am refering to , was birth of a new relationship. One which thrived on silent shouts of friendship, flavoured with trust and two kids shook the hands in friendship. It has been more than 72000 seconds since they meet , and is a significant time. There is this girl who i have seen her in pics , and only pics. One who is more of my lifeline , and one who i feel comfy with. but in these past tens of thousands of sacred moments i have known her , i have expressed how beautiful she is . she is one of the most sober , clean and probably most lucky ( touchwood) person in the world. One who does not want to go to US , is happy with the wat the world is going except that no one should praise her. Come on friend , u know u r the best , and like all other girls dont accept , but when i dont praise u also get equally frustrated. this is when i love you the most , the most i ever did. You also know i am not the best person in the world but i will come close to the worst person u know in your life. I just met her by chance , friends by choice and promise to stay forever.
now something about this girl who is always on leave on Mondays , takes life as a more full of tension as it is . She would take on small things as a very big problem, and the way she trusts all the people needed to be changed. If you try to experiment with her , she will be annoyed. Lets do this, try to be bad to be her, and she will not mind , and if you try to be a little more good, she will think you are getting too close to her , and she might just stop talking to you. Its not heartless she is , but she will then find her mom and tell her everything . so she has a treasure to talk back home daily.
I have talked to her a couple of times over phone , and she is much more confident there, she can try anything that is in decent limits and not break the social taboos. She has one thing for sure , if she decides you are her man, then no matter what the hell , who the **** comes , she will stuck to the same person forever. She is invariably one perfect girl any guy would like to have as a life partner and easily has a crush on. she is one of the rarest gems who are with me. Her pics are just so awsome and she has a property known to water, blend in the surroundings. All her pics looks just so different, and she so wonderful.
Now She is changing as times, for the starters , she wont reply to your ping. If you are committed / married , then dont try to even come close to her . this is one thing i think i did to her, poor PM who was trying to flirt. She is one the very basic beauty on whom my friendship thrives in the day. I dont know what cellfone she carries , but am sure my name exists in more than one place.
I may be out of this world , and her world also soon ,when she will tying the final knot with her loved one, still i miss her like the others in my life , who came and left me. But for me , each of them has been treasured asset , and even though they are longer remember me or call , i still do. Ditto with her, she wont be an exception , all used to say the same thing. But am sure still , that this might go in for a lill longer than i expect , but all the other girls i met were good ones . this one seems to be naughty and spoilt girl. A cyst in which she exists is hard to crack, impossible to break by raw hands, just like passcode protected. The only way to treat her is not like pricess , not like an angel neither a precious diamond, but to care. The feelings dont require words , and when two hearts talk , nothing is a taboo.
She is the most spoilt girl i met , cauz she is good looking , beautiful , has sweet voice , confident accent and above all , a very caring friend.
Thanks for being so nice to me ....

i am not searching ....

There was something called as ...., i dont really remember the name or the source ,but most of the people around me to go for it. Its not an easily available stuff outside the institution but here , inside the place most of the people have it. Some move around with IIT degrees and lots of intelligence, other as the best in the project while a few volunteers for social cause. Some go do some charity , but am still looking for the stuff. so i went to foodcourt looking for thing i need , people believe i lack and i illusioned to acquire it. Here the prices were so high that when i nicked my wallet inside out, i could not afford a meal in this expensive city , how would i go about to buy that stuff which most people say is most precious. From there i went to the library building. I asked the person incharge , am looking for something that nearly all people have here , but i dont. Something which most people boasts of themselves , and i dont know. I really dont know what is the name of the thing that is easily available but i dont have it. Confused but not for long , he took me to the spiritual section. seems like you are stressed u need a little peace of mind. read these spiritual books and spend some time in temple to feel relaxed. It is the peace of mind missing in you. It is available everywhere.

Is it so , i went through books , i really dont know if i was looking for peace of mind , but there was something that struck me. something that person said striked gold. I moved on and left those spiritual knowledge books. Still something troubles like the half filled glasses spills more water as fileld till the brim colas. Something going to tear me apart and in shreds i would still not know.

Something is missing , knowing and not knowing it can be just so frustrating. Finally whom should i go to , is it Him. Yes , i think he is the one who would be able to solve it. I went to temple, but en route a bus hit me hard, and i was with HIM.

I asked God , what it is i want to know which i am seeking. i dont remember the name , most people call me headless , and some name they told me is easy to find but i cant recollect it. Are you the GOD , THE GOD , the one who has made all life on earth. Can you please help me with it.

God must be annoyed and angry for all my stupid questions shooting like the stray stars striking each other, but there was something that was charasmitic about that halo. He smile and waved his hands. the shine on his head was so strong now that i was unable to realise what was going on.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

an evening walk with her ...

Sometimes in life one does not know if to smile or frown. Be happy for promising future of friend or void that will remain once that close friend departs. Hard to tell the feelings when a friend moves away to distant location. Was hard first time it happened, amusing the second time and since then a habit. But this one is gonna be tough. She was probably my human emotion tank. Not many have the ability to make me smile and cry at the same time, but astonishingly she has that. She was my friend , my guide and possibly the only one in the world to whom I have lied the least. Yesterday evening was one of those which I would not forget for a long long time.

The climate was apt , the wind breeze just passed bye and the time flew. I wish and I wished hard that the time would stop. Let me cherish a few more moments before she would be going. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but just didn’t. Her green eyes, lovely smile and nonstop chatter ( less than me off course ). The feeling of just being with her is so strong that it subsides every other emotion. There is one thing I have known when I am with her , to be what I am. No false faces , no extravagant comments , just be myself. But again she knows me so well , that a few would actually come close, but like all those she is going too far. And I really don’t know how to control the feelings. There can be no more than two people you can synchronize with so well , and she is one of those. How often do we talk , less , lesser and least . How much I wanna talk , now , in evening through dead of nights and first thing in morning to last thing I sleep. Her voice is soft and touches one heart like the soft violin tone. She has actually an alternate career in mimicry and pulling legs. I wonder if we would ever go together , that would be her favorite pastime. Another thing I came to know , she has some stamina and could walk 5 miles with ease and not feel tired. Another one she can weigh you with eyes and bring one’s hallucination to end. She did say a lot of things to me , but was I really listening. I doubt, I was wondering for most of the time, that it is not possible. This is definitely not the way to part, still the life is a long proposition and even though time would fly so fast , something are stagnant. They keep the places despite failures , losses and even lot of misunderstandings , fighting and cursing each other won’t leave a permanent mark over the friendship. She is one of those simple down to earth person anyone would love to have for company. All know I am not possessive by nature, but her friendship is sacred ,and all my friends know to name her with respect. I have done many things wrong to her, but she has forgiven me “n” number of times. I have tried to be nice to her, but she has been nicer. She is one of those who is utmost caring in nature ( I know for the instances shared between she and her siblings ), happy go lucky.

Now the real big issues .. is she complaining. Hmmm!!!! A little though. But these are not undesirable. Must be for leg pulling and she is one of those whose complaints will be entertained throughout.

Is she miser !!! No way , she is not . she is one who claims to plan careful for the future , say next Saturday she won’t be in Bangalore , or not present in my birthday party, which I was looking forward to , but hard luck. I might have had a hundred plans for the same, but there is real no craze left for the event anymore. All my friends who were my closest ones are now gone too far distances , and once in month we still talk, but she will also go. I know I am not even eligible for her ( mentally also) , and she will never accept anything more than the friendship and the reason I am not sad. She is one of the people who were the reason and the one I looked for each time I was in an emotional turmoil, difficult to realize and acknowledge she will also go. Someday ,somewhere. Many have come and gone , but her replacement , I don’t think I would be able to afford. She is one of those you can trust , and her angelic smile will make u blush. Her face full of embarrassment is a pleasure to watch. She is such a small kid behind those piercing eyes, strict words and high attitude. She is one of those who set parameters , may be achieves also but forgets.

She is not fair , but has long hair. Huh !!! nicely tucked and well maintained. Wanted to check if it was not falsification , but she is just perfect. About say nicely trimmed nails , to well managed purse ( she never forgets where the hell is mobile phone).nice sandals and golden watch (went missing cauz I was late ) and a matching purse. Simple and plain suit wrapped around one of the most beautiful girls I ever met to match the innocence of a child. Roaming in Bangalore could be such a fantastic event was simply unimaginable, garnished with the presence of a friend so sweet , often found in my phone book with name “Sweetest friend”. One of the friends I can go to world end to protect her, or be protected by her ( the way she would term it). I don’t know how to carry on relationship, am too stupid for that. But if she comes in my life, there is one promise I can do. Whatever happens , there will never be a trickle down her face ever .

She is one of the girls , any person can walk with , not for an hour , neither for an evening but for a lifetime.