Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Psycho Path

the path to being a certified one is no less easy, it comes with itself with a responsibility of not only being irresponsible, but being careless , forgiving , forgetting , is not so easy when you understand everything and still pretend not to be knowing everything , giving much more than 100%, and still ready to be cursed for not doing anything, for intelligence is still a matter and under ownership of few. The tougher life gets, the harder it gets to smile , still laughing is much more easy prospects. Trust me , smiling is a tougher proposition than laughing, the scars visible through smiles defeat age and reason. Still i believe , its not easy to get illogically logical, and to prove it if its really not easy to live, its harder to die. To care for someone you hardly met, and to complain for lifelong who is always by your side is no wisdom. The earlier it is recognized, better the life becomes for the one who cares. and those who care not , no need to be so careless. the path is same, be it me, he ,she , it or you, my behaviour towards all is more or less same. I really dont have an inner heart to sympathesize, drool , be happy or any feeling otherwise. I just live each part of my life as it comes. For those who came across the path, had fun and left, blessings. For those who still prefer to be in the path , God Save You , and to those who in future will come across me... better not. You will be bonded emotionally, and think of me as a very good person, caution : i am not.
beware: i am not a good caring person. I am a person who cares not, if that is your definiton of caring person, i might just fit in good then. It is exactly why so many people like me, because the only care they need is no care, and i neva do. I have had my share of responsibilities, and i have very hopelessly , shamelessly and in a very satirical way laughed them off, and the worst part. I am still running away , on this pyscho path , which is a long circular road without an end , an aim or target ... join me in this carefree careless pyscho path, live life like you scripted it.

Monday, August 3, 2009

The Certified Psycho

This is me .. Deepak , and no less than any strange case of psycho. As Dipankar once said, There was nor ever will , a greater crack in the wall than you have in your head. and to which i responded , its not hole in the wall, but wall in the hole. and 3 years later, i try everything to certify as one. Losing the loved one , loving the lost one, trying to do a DDLJ , almost aping a kid , mowing down people on roads , meeting new and stylish accidents , mis-understanding myself , promising not to promise again, and breaking the promise once more , for once more i wanna live and tell all that its me who is me. I am not the one whom the God made to be just another, I am myself. I make my own rules , i insulate , i radiate and more importantly , i speak. You may not hear it if your eyes are closed , u may not understand if your mind is closed , and possibly if its open , nothing is left in it to understand. The same is with me , take life as it comes , plan , trip , tripover , drip , slip , fall , stand up, wear down , rise again , call friends , make friends , maintain old ones, casually tune up to serious life , no one still has managed to get out of it alive, but till the time you are reading this , you have managed to wade off the DEATH for now.
I was no wiser a person to leave India, I am no intellect even today , I want to work hard, I try to , but the memories are weak , and i dont remember. I tried things , put somethings on blog, set reminders , even resorted to drinking milk , yes mom , i did . But the brain gets older, not sharper. The effect of increasing technology can be easily found to have a lasting impact on me , i see each human as a robot now, and me as robo cop. I think i can do anything without doing nothing , no no , i mean i cant do nothing , if thats the way it is.
I have so many things to do, less than anyone else, but according to me , more than i can manage. If there was an upgrade for humans available, i would have spent all my earnings ( even though they are less than my month's salary ,considering i am working for last 150 years ) to get an upgrade. Atleast brain can react to something better than age of empires and websites. I remember certain song in which writer demands two hearts , i demand brains instead. If I was intelligent, and if i would have understood the things important to me then and there , if i was able to prioritize what not to do , if i was able to maintain one relation , if i was able to get back one school life, if i would have managed to come 1st in the class once, if ..... my God ... if you existed ... i would not be so clueless, i would not be such a danger , and more importantly , i would be me ... as i am ....

( incomplete entry from a certified psycho )